Dimitri The Lover announces “Mercedes Sucks” Contest with $100,000 of DOUCHEY PRIZES !!!



THE BACKSTORY


On December 22, 2010, while driving 30 km/h in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the DVP, Dimitri The Lover’s 2006 Mercedes E350 4-matic SUDDENLY CONKED OUT. Mercedes Service was backlogged due to Christmas holidays, taking approximately two weeks to diagnose that the car had a “grenaded engine” (valves and pistons deformed). The engine needed a $20,000 rebuild but the car was out of warranty. Dimitri The Lover REFUSED TO PAY, citing the fact that he was a loyal Mercedes-Benz customer since 1991, he referred scores of buyers over the last 20 years, and he expected an $80,000 car not to implode after only 145,000 km! Furthermore, over 5 years it depreciated so heavily that it was worth only $18,000, which meant unrepaired it was worth NEGATIVE $2,000! Since he still owed $32,500 on his loan to Mercedes Credit, he was $34,500 UNDERWATER!

Over the next few weeks Mercedes-Benz made several attempts to blame Dimitri The Lover. One of the most absurd conjectures was that “carbon buildup on the valves” was the problem and he should have “decarbonized” them. However, after he asked Mercedes-Benz to elaborate on the causal relationship between carbon and engines imploding, and further to explain how a customer is supposed to know when valves need “decarbonizing”, they quickly abandoned that theory. Next his Mercedes sales rep asserted in an accusatory tone that using “Regular” gas instead of “Super” gas was a culprit. However, when asked to provide proof that doing so causes Mercedes-Benz engines to self-destruct, the sales rep backed off. In a final backhanded attempt to lay the blame on Dimitri The Lover, they hypothesized that engine timing was “off”, an ominous “engine warning light” was ignored, the “timing chain” snapped, and the engine went berserk!

For weeks Dimitri The Lover paid for a rental car while negotiating with Mercedes-Benz. The two sides were close: he offered to pay $2,500 for the repair if Mercedes-Benz provided a courtesy car; they offered to repair it for $5,000 without a courtesy car. However, during good faith negotiations and without Dimitri The Lover missing a single payment, Mercedes Credit committed an unethical act of deceit and spite: they slapped a “Voluntary Repossession” on his credit bureau! When confronted about it they claimed that during a phone conversation Dimitri The Lover mentioned abandoning the automobile. The credit bureau entry marred his previously PERFECT credit. It was the last straw: HE TOLD THEM TO KEEP THE CAR!

On February 11, 2011, Dimitri The Lover and his High Priestess Colette were driving a rental. Thinking positive thoughts, his mind proudly drifted to Toronto’s newly elected Mayor (Rob Ford’s win was partially due to Dimitri The Lover’s highly-publicized celebrity endorsement on page 3 of The Toronto Sun). He was also cognizant of the fact that it was the eve of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, admiring him not for freeing the slaves (which was merely a ruse to cover up the fact that the immoral bloody Civil War was planned for economic reasons), but rather for refusing to borrow money from international bankers at exorbitant interest rates, instead printing government “Greenbacks” (they assassinated him for doing so).

Dimitri The Lover drove up Dufferin Street thinking about “Rob Ford” and “Abraham Lincoln”. Then suddenly, with “Ford” and “Lincoln” in his thoughts, he saw it: “Yorkdale Ford Lincoln”. It was like a “Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup” moment. After a test drive and hard negotiation with Greek countryman Tony Martimianakis, Dimitri The Lover and Colette became proud owners of a fully loaded black AWD 2011 Ford Lincoln MKZ! It has everything you could imagine, including “air conditioned seats” that blow air through tiny holes in the leather. To get a Mercedes-Benz with similar look and features would cost much, much more! And unlike the Mercedes, it takes REGULAR gas!  Due to his recently ruined credit, he put the vehicle in Colette’s name. Ford Credit did not ask for proof of income, instead relying on her immaculate credit and accepting her word that she is the Chief Executive Officer of “ThoughtCrime Films”. Dimitri The Lover feels like a deadbeat black pimp putting a brand new pimped-out Lincoln in his bottom bitch’s name!

PLEASE NOTE: The ONLY North American car Dimitri The Lover would every buy is a Ford. He would never give money to Chrysler or GM because those incompetent whores were rewarded for failure with a taxpayer bailout they will likely never repay.


THE CONTEST


Dimitri The Lover vows to NEVER pay Mercedes. Unlike other celebrities, he is immune from lawsuits because he keeps NO ASSETS IN HIS NAME; he could go bankrupt and it would have ZERO IMPACT on his lifestyle. But that is not payback enough. Dimitri The Lover came up with an idea for a contest which would punish Mercedes-Benz for their disloyalty and poor vehicle production quality. We now present to you the “Dimitri The Lover MERCEDES SUCKS Contest”. Here is how it works...

Create a video which describes Dimitri The Lover’s ordeal. It could be a skit, you ranting alone, animation, music, poetry, etc.—it does not matter. However, the video itself must clearly illustrate how...

The description of the video must contain...

BONUS POINTS will be awarded if the video...

DOUBLE BONUS POINTS go to those who “search engine optimize” their video so that keywords such as “Mercedes” place it higher in search results.

In order to make winning the contest feasible for all members of the general public...


THE PRIZES


GRAND PRIZE (total value $48,546):

$30,000 credit toward any of Dimitri The Lover’s seduction courses

4 days of One-on-One Seduction Coaching with Dimitri The Lover (value $11,988 plus HST = $13,546)

$5,000 “Dimitri Douchebag Rebate” toward the purchase of a brand new Ford Lincoln MKZ or higher model Ford vehicle

SECOND PRIZE (total value $19,273):

$10,000 credit toward any of Dimitri The Lover’s seduction courses

2 days of One-on-One Seduction Coaching with Dimitri The Lover (value $5,994 plus HST = $6,773)

$2,500 “Dimitri Douchebag Rebate” toward the purchase of a brand new Ford Lincoln MKZ or higher model Ford vehicle

THIRD PRIZE (total value $9,387):

$5,000 credit toward any of Dimitri The Lover’s seduction courses

1 day of One-on-One Seduction Coaching with Dimitri The Lover (value $2,997 plus HST = $3,387)

$1,000 “Dimitri Douchebag Rebate” toward the purchase of a brand new Ford Lincoln MKZ or higher model Ford vehicle

100 FOURTH PRIZES (total value $223 x 100 = $22,300):

100 Lucky winners will each get to participate in Dimitri The Lover’s first ever exclusive Rasputin MindRape Conference Call (value for each prize $197 plus HST = $223)


HOW TO SUBMIT A VIDEO


Upload your video to YouTube then email the link, your full legal name, and contact information to mercedessucks@dimitrithelover.com


THE CONTEST RULES